Tuesday, March 22, 2005
South by ....?
I've noticed the tendency of some radio folks to call South by Southwest just "South by." Is anyone as annoyed as I am? Please, how long does it take to add the word southwest? South by. IDIOTS!
Monday, March 21, 2005
Catchphrases
I have noticed the proliferation of new catch phrases lately, most of which are very annoying. Good to go, however, I love. I first heard this expression in the song Beer, Bait, and Ammo by Sammy Kershaw and hear it now and again throughout the South. Just the other day, I saw a 20 minute oil change place called Good to Go! That is a great adaptation of the phrase, I just hope they didn’t slap a ™ on it because that would really irritate me.
Now the one that is really chapping my ass so to speak is no problem. This comes in several irritating versions including….
Me: Could I get my check please?
Waiter: No problem.
Me (to myself): Why should it be a problem? I ordered, I ate, I pay. Would I expect there to be a problem?
Me: Could I have some ground pepper with my salad please?
Waitress: (begrudgingly): No problem.
Me (to myself): Did I offend her? Why did she say no problem and make it sound like it WAS a problem? Does this distract her from her other duties which are not pepper-related?
See where I’m going with this issue? Watch. After reading this, you’ll hear it everywhere.
Then there is whatever which I have come to learn means that the person saying it has lost the argument, thinks you are right, but will not admit to it.
Me: The sky is blue.
Waiter: Whatever.
Now the one that is really chapping my ass so to speak is no problem. This comes in several irritating versions including….
Me: Could I get my check please?
Waiter: No problem.
Me (to myself): Why should it be a problem? I ordered, I ate, I pay. Would I expect there to be a problem?
Me: Could I have some ground pepper with my salad please?
Waitress: (begrudgingly): No problem.
Me (to myself): Did I offend her? Why did she say no problem and make it sound like it WAS a problem? Does this distract her from her other duties which are not pepper-related?
See where I’m going with this issue? Watch. After reading this, you’ll hear it everywhere.
Then there is whatever which I have come to learn means that the person saying it has lost the argument, thinks you are right, but will not admit to it.
Me: The sky is blue.
Waiter: Whatever.
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Toobing in Central Texas
Let me make it clear that it is toobing and not tubing or innertubing, it’s toobing. Just so we can get that straight. Why is toobing so popular? Because it involves little equipment, zero exercise, and provides refreshing entertainment. If you like to drink beer or look at people or enjoy the water or bird watch or hanging out, then toobing is for you.
Our fist step in toobing is deciding where to go. Thankfully, Central Texas offers several toobing destinations all within easy driving distance and all will a diverse subculture.
The Comal River.
Description: This is the shortest river in Texas, it is barely a mile long, and its spring fed which is important because it is what’s known as a “constant level” river. This means that if the other rivers are low, you can always count on the Comal to be available for a good toobing experience.
Where is it: In the heart of New Braunfels, Texas. Several access points, my favorite being Landa Park (the headwaters of the Comal) right by the big building with the smokestacks. There are outfitters throughout the town, however, so you can pretty much rent a toob and jump in anywhere.
Things you should know: The Comal has what’s called “The Chute” which is an old mill reconfigured into a big slide that ends in a violent whirlpool. A lifeguard there told me it was the most dangerous public swimming hole in the state. All members of the Flynn family have had to be rescued by the lifeguards at least once which is a testament to the dangers therein. This makes it one of my favorite places. In fact, most toobers on the Comal ride the chute over and over again. The first ride is free, after that it costs about $3 for a wrist band to do that. Or you can ooch free rides by just walking the long way back to a jump off point in the river, avoiding the dam/lifeguard. There is a great burger joint at the bottom of the chute on the right. You can pull up there, have a burger and fries and a beer and watch the action below. Great people watching.
The river takes you right by Schlitterbahn and right under the bungee swing there.
There are River Taxis throughout the town at various pick up spots to take you back to your car. They cost $1 or $1.50 and you can buy cab fare in advance.
The Guadalupe River
This is the “toobers river” because it offers everything but peace and quiet (see Frío River). The Guadalupe offers beautiful vistas of red cliffs, diving birds, tattoos, beer bonging lesbians, beautiful homes, trailer parks, liquored up college kids, dogs, cops, rednecks, sunburns, litter and other trash. Don’t come here expecting to commune with nature. The atmosphere is 100% party with lots of eeee-hawwws, loud music, and loud people.
Where is it: The toobable portion of the river is basically from the bottom of Canyon lake until Groene, Texas. We always put in at Gilligan’s Island where the owner Dave is honest, friendly, and very helpful given the kind of people he has to put up with day in and day out.
Things you should know: The Guadalupe also has a version of “The Chute.” This is a natural formation of rocks that form a long and narrow passageway on the left hand side of the river (there are signs warning you). The water (when it is high enough) rushes through and spins you around (keep arms and legs in). The Guadalupe is not Constant Level and is subject to the whims of the river authority who is in charge of releasing the water from the dam. Look at my links for flow rates. Anything less than 150 CFS is not worth it, anything over 250 will be fun, anything over 500 and I think they close the river to toobs (but you can still canoe). You should use an outfitter on this river who can get you back to your car relatively easily. All the bigger ones work together and watch out for each other, so you are usually in good hands.
The San Marcos River
This is another short river that runs through the town of San Marcos, which I liken to a miniaturized version of Austin. The San Marcos is verdant with a lot of foliage, therefore lots of wildlife like frogs and fish and birds and the occasional snake (they are everywhere, not just here). The best part of this river is that it flows right by the campus of Texas State University where academics are optional and partying is the norm. Makes for an interesting trip.
Where is it: In San Marcos, duh.
Things you should know: There is a dam that is not marked that you should not go over if you can help it. I nearly killed myself the first time I went. The suction under the water is very strong and it took everything I had to get out of it, and I was not drinking.
The Frio River
This is by far the prettiest most peaceful and relaxing of all the rivers, probably because it is so far from any major city. I have never toobed this river so I am going to have to research it a little. Look for my updated entry later.
More General Information
Bring sunblock and lots of water
River wallets are handy (they hang around your neck and hold money and a car key)
You can buy rafts at Academy for about $10 and an inflator for about the same. This will pay for itself in about two trips to any river.
Don’t litter, please. The litter is almost annoying as the drunkenness and public urination.
If you want to avoid crowds, go earlier in the day. On the Guadalupe the crowds that are still on the water after 4pm are really drunk and obnoxious.
Our fist step in toobing is deciding where to go. Thankfully, Central Texas offers several toobing destinations all within easy driving distance and all will a diverse subculture.
The Comal River.
Description: This is the shortest river in Texas, it is barely a mile long, and its spring fed which is important because it is what’s known as a “constant level” river. This means that if the other rivers are low, you can always count on the Comal to be available for a good toobing experience.
Where is it: In the heart of New Braunfels, Texas. Several access points, my favorite being Landa Park (the headwaters of the Comal) right by the big building with the smokestacks. There are outfitters throughout the town, however, so you can pretty much rent a toob and jump in anywhere.
Things you should know: The Comal has what’s called “The Chute” which is an old mill reconfigured into a big slide that ends in a violent whirlpool. A lifeguard there told me it was the most dangerous public swimming hole in the state. All members of the Flynn family have had to be rescued by the lifeguards at least once which is a testament to the dangers therein. This makes it one of my favorite places. In fact, most toobers on the Comal ride the chute over and over again. The first ride is free, after that it costs about $3 for a wrist band to do that. Or you can ooch free rides by just walking the long way back to a jump off point in the river, avoiding the dam/lifeguard. There is a great burger joint at the bottom of the chute on the right. You can pull up there, have a burger and fries and a beer and watch the action below. Great people watching.
The river takes you right by Schlitterbahn and right under the bungee swing there.
There are River Taxis throughout the town at various pick up spots to take you back to your car. They cost $1 or $1.50 and you can buy cab fare in advance.
The Guadalupe River
This is the “toobers river” because it offers everything but peace and quiet (see Frío River). The Guadalupe offers beautiful vistas of red cliffs, diving birds, tattoos, beer bonging lesbians, beautiful homes, trailer parks, liquored up college kids, dogs, cops, rednecks, sunburns, litter and other trash. Don’t come here expecting to commune with nature. The atmosphere is 100% party with lots of eeee-hawwws, loud music, and loud people.
Where is it: The toobable portion of the river is basically from the bottom of Canyon lake until Groene, Texas. We always put in at Gilligan’s Island where the owner Dave is honest, friendly, and very helpful given the kind of people he has to put up with day in and day out.
Things you should know: The Guadalupe also has a version of “The Chute.” This is a natural formation of rocks that form a long and narrow passageway on the left hand side of the river (there are signs warning you). The water (when it is high enough) rushes through and spins you around (keep arms and legs in). The Guadalupe is not Constant Level and is subject to the whims of the river authority who is in charge of releasing the water from the dam. Look at my links for flow rates. Anything less than 150 CFS is not worth it, anything over 250 will be fun, anything over 500 and I think they close the river to toobs (but you can still canoe). You should use an outfitter on this river who can get you back to your car relatively easily. All the bigger ones work together and watch out for each other, so you are usually in good hands.
The San Marcos River
This is another short river that runs through the town of San Marcos, which I liken to a miniaturized version of Austin. The San Marcos is verdant with a lot of foliage, therefore lots of wildlife like frogs and fish and birds and the occasional snake (they are everywhere, not just here). The best part of this river is that it flows right by the campus of Texas State University where academics are optional and partying is the norm. Makes for an interesting trip.
Where is it: In San Marcos, duh.
Things you should know: There is a dam that is not marked that you should not go over if you can help it. I nearly killed myself the first time I went. The suction under the water is very strong and it took everything I had to get out of it, and I was not drinking.
The Frio River
This is by far the prettiest most peaceful and relaxing of all the rivers, probably because it is so far from any major city. I have never toobed this river so I am going to have to research it a little. Look for my updated entry later.
More General Information
Bring sunblock and lots of water
River wallets are handy (they hang around your neck and hold money and a car key)
You can buy rafts at Academy for about $10 and an inflator for about the same. This will pay for itself in about two trips to any river.
Don’t litter, please. The litter is almost annoying as the drunkenness and public urination.
If you want to avoid crowds, go earlier in the day. On the Guadalupe the crowds that are still on the water after 4pm are really drunk and obnoxious.
Monday, March 14, 2005
50 Books in 2005
Several years ago I made a resolution to read a book a week. I did it, but it wasn't easy. So I am resolved to do it again this year. I'll post quick reviews here.
The Plot Against America, Philip Roth. This is a novel in which Charles Lindberg is elected president (he defeats FDR) and the nazification of the US that follows. A great book, seemingly real. He crafts this book so well that my mother, who lived through the period, said she found herself "remembering" the fictional events even though they never took place. A book for anyone interested in Jewish America, World War II, or Philip Roth (who happens to be a favorite of mine.)
I am Charlotte Simmons, Tom Wolfe. I am a big Tom Wolfe fan, so I went into this book with a bias. Needless to say, it is a riot and brought back many memories of my college experience. How Wolfe can get into the mindset of all his characters: women, teachers, jocks, blacks, jews, intellectuals, college kids, whatever, he has a tremendous skill. I think he must pay attention to every detail of life.
Manhattan, Pete Hamill. A collection of essays by NY Post writer Pete Hamill that codifies his love affair with NYC, specifically Manhattan, and more specifically downtown. I loved this book because I found that much of what he reflects upon are things that impact me as well. The beauty of the old city, the warmth that people have for each other (despite what others think about NYC), and what he calls the "alloy" of New York and that is the blending of cultures and races and languages and customs and food and music and dress into what we see, hear, and feel when we walk the streets of New York. This book is a must for anyone who loves New York, has an interest in the immigrant culture of the US, early American history, or essay writing as a craft.
Hooded Americanism: The History of the Ku Klux Klan, David M.Chalmers. I received this early 1960s era book as a gift from my girlfriend Amy with whom I share a passionate interest in the Civil War. As any Civil War buff knows, it was Nathan Bedford Forest, CSA general, who started the Kuklos Clan as a civilian militia to protect white landowners in the south from the carpetbaggers who came from the north during deconstruction. What the KKK turned into, according to this book, was a patchwork of unorganized different outfits in each state whose common agenda of hatred terrorized blacks, Catholics, Jews, and other groups for about 100 years. The book is very straightforward, written in an historical context and does not offer any opion good or bad. It's not very well written, but I found it interesting nontheless.
Nicholas Nickelby, Charles Dickens. Written in 1838 but still a very good book with a terrific cast of characters including a flamboyantly gay dress shop owner who just cracked me up. This book cracked me up (I happen to find a lot of Dickens to be very funny).
Positively 5th Street, James MacManus. The author is on assignment for Harpers to cover women playing in the World Series of Poker as well as the trial for the murder of one of the Binion family, of Binion's Horseshoe and World Series of Poker fame. Killing time at Barnes and Noble and sipping coffee, I grabbed this book from the shelf of poker books and started reading it for the hell of it. I was already in the middle of another book at the time, so I wasn't really committed to the relationship. But it hooked me from the first page, so I bought it, I read it, I enjoyed it. If you like poker, murder trials, or Las Vegas you may like this book.
Keep a Lid On It, Donald Westlake. I think I read this book a while back because I have probably read every published word of Westlake's since my father got me started on him in about 1975. And many of his books I have read over and over again. They are fun. More on Westlake at www.donaldwestlake.com.
That makes seven books, its the middle of March, so I am three books behind. I should catch up a little this weekend.
Portuguese Irregular Verbs, Alexander McCall Smith. Author is from Zimbabwe. He calls this book an "entertainment," which sounds like Graham Greene. The entertainment centers around Dr. von Igelfeld, the author of Portuguese Irregular Verbs, and his hijinx with other members of the Institute of Romance Philology. It's rather a series of slightly related wodehouseian incidents that I found rather hilarious. My mother recommended this book along with two others of the same ilk.
In the queue
The Finer Points of Sausage Dogs and The Villa of Reduced Circumstances, both by Alexander McCall Smith.
Fame, Salman Rushdie. I already read this once, but reading it again I am realizing that Rushdie may be the finest writer of English fiction today.
The Devil's Playground, Traub. I am more than halfway through this book. It is a history of Times Square.
My goal is to finish all these by the end of this week, which will give me 12 books in 13 weeks. After that I have to sink my teeth into something with more substance, maybe a classic.
The Plot Against America, Philip Roth. This is a novel in which Charles Lindberg is elected president (he defeats FDR) and the nazification of the US that follows. A great book, seemingly real. He crafts this book so well that my mother, who lived through the period, said she found herself "remembering" the fictional events even though they never took place. A book for anyone interested in Jewish America, World War II, or Philip Roth (who happens to be a favorite of mine.)
I am Charlotte Simmons, Tom Wolfe. I am a big Tom Wolfe fan, so I went into this book with a bias. Needless to say, it is a riot and brought back many memories of my college experience. How Wolfe can get into the mindset of all his characters: women, teachers, jocks, blacks, jews, intellectuals, college kids, whatever, he has a tremendous skill. I think he must pay attention to every detail of life.
Manhattan, Pete Hamill. A collection of essays by NY Post writer Pete Hamill that codifies his love affair with NYC, specifically Manhattan, and more specifically downtown. I loved this book because I found that much of what he reflects upon are things that impact me as well. The beauty of the old city, the warmth that people have for each other (despite what others think about NYC), and what he calls the "alloy" of New York and that is the blending of cultures and races and languages and customs and food and music and dress into what we see, hear, and feel when we walk the streets of New York. This book is a must for anyone who loves New York, has an interest in the immigrant culture of the US, early American history, or essay writing as a craft.
Hooded Americanism: The History of the Ku Klux Klan, David M.Chalmers. I received this early 1960s era book as a gift from my girlfriend Amy with whom I share a passionate interest in the Civil War. As any Civil War buff knows, it was Nathan Bedford Forest, CSA general, who started the Kuklos Clan as a civilian militia to protect white landowners in the south from the carpetbaggers who came from the north during deconstruction. What the KKK turned into, according to this book, was a patchwork of unorganized different outfits in each state whose common agenda of hatred terrorized blacks, Catholics, Jews, and other groups for about 100 years. The book is very straightforward, written in an historical context and does not offer any opion good or bad. It's not very well written, but I found it interesting nontheless.
Nicholas Nickelby, Charles Dickens. Written in 1838 but still a very good book with a terrific cast of characters including a flamboyantly gay dress shop owner who just cracked me up. This book cracked me up (I happen to find a lot of Dickens to be very funny).
Positively 5th Street, James MacManus. The author is on assignment for Harpers to cover women playing in the World Series of Poker as well as the trial for the murder of one of the Binion family, of Binion's Horseshoe and World Series of Poker fame. Killing time at Barnes and Noble and sipping coffee, I grabbed this book from the shelf of poker books and started reading it for the hell of it. I was already in the middle of another book at the time, so I wasn't really committed to the relationship. But it hooked me from the first page, so I bought it, I read it, I enjoyed it. If you like poker, murder trials, or Las Vegas you may like this book.
Keep a Lid On It, Donald Westlake. I think I read this book a while back because I have probably read every published word of Westlake's since my father got me started on him in about 1975. And many of his books I have read over and over again. They are fun. More on Westlake at www.donaldwestlake.com.
That makes seven books, its the middle of March, so I am three books behind. I should catch up a little this weekend.
Portuguese Irregular Verbs, Alexander McCall Smith. Author is from Zimbabwe. He calls this book an "entertainment," which sounds like Graham Greene. The entertainment centers around Dr. von Igelfeld, the author of Portuguese Irregular Verbs, and his hijinx with other members of the Institute of Romance Philology. It's rather a series of slightly related wodehouseian incidents that I found rather hilarious. My mother recommended this book along with two others of the same ilk.
In the queue
The Finer Points of Sausage Dogs and The Villa of Reduced Circumstances, both by Alexander McCall Smith.
Fame, Salman Rushdie. I already read this once, but reading it again I am realizing that Rushdie may be the finest writer of English fiction today.
The Devil's Playground, Traub. I am more than halfway through this book. It is a history of Times Square.
My goal is to finish all these by the end of this week, which will give me 12 books in 13 weeks. After that I have to sink my teeth into something with more substance, maybe a classic.
The problem with pepper
I am a pepper lover. I like pepper. Scads of it. I love pepper on scrambled eggs, so much pepper that the yellow of the egg is hardly visible through the layer of black malabar. So as long-time pepper lover I can tell you that the problem with pepper in restaurants today is that they seldom have it right.
- Problem I: Overzealousness on the part of the busboy who fills the pepper and salt shakers. If you fill a salt shaker to the brim, it will still deliver the product when you turn it over and shake. However, if you fill a pepper shaker to the brim it will NOT deliver the product when you turn it over and shake. This is because pepper is slightly more granular and less consistent in shape and size than salt, so pepper requires a little room to dance around before it can fit through the holes.
- Problem II: Size of pepper granules relative to the size of the holes of the pepper shaker. This is a common problem to which I have found that the only resolution is to remove the pepper shaker top and then spread the pepper directly from the open shaker. This has more than once put my dining companion ill at ease. This is also a common problem in Italian pizzerias with the red pepper flakes that are stored in glass shakers whose metal tops have holes far too small to dispense the red pepper flakes.
Problem III: The freshly ground pepper. This is a routine that used to be carried out with flare and some restaurants make a big deal about it. Macaroni Grill, for example. But what usually happens is that you ask for fresh pepper and then your food turns stone cold while you wait for the waiter to bring the pepper mill to the table. Or, the embarrassment of sitting there waiting for the waitress to finish milling the pepper to your taste (remember I like a lot of pepper). I have to say that the best alternative is to provide me with the tool, and let me do my own grinding. But for God's sake make sure there are peppercorns in the mill!
A word about pepper packets. Well, several words about pepper packets. They never have enough pepper in them and it's damned embarrassing to rip open 20 packets just for one scrambled egg. Lets see, 20 packets time 10 grains of pepper per packet...... The salt packets have much more salt in them. Do people use that much more salt than they do pepper? If so, this may be a clue to the nation's health problems.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)