Check out this letter I got from the International Society of Poets (I submitted a piece of drivel for "consideration"). This is the abridged version:
Dear David,
It's something we don't often do, but after reading and discussing your poetry, the Editorial Advisory Board of the International Library of Poetryhas nominated you for membership in the most exciting poetry organization in the world--the International Society of Poets! After reading your poetry, our Board of Trustees wholeheartedly agrees to award you with a freeAssociate Membership in our society. As Chairman, I want to personally welcome you as an Associate Member and discuss with you the benefits of Permanent Membership. David, I know that after hearing what we're all about, you will join us as a member of our society--the International Society of Poets!
You'll even have the opportunity to meet and share your poetry with other members. As a member, I will extend a personal invitation to our yearly convention, which is world-renowned for bringing together poets of all ages and nationalities who share a common love of poetry. These exciting, fun, and educational events are full of camaraderie, warm friendship, and mutual admiration for our poetic endeavors.The poetic event of the year! As an advance notice, we arethrilled to inform you that our 2006 convention will take place July 20-23, 2006 at the famed Riviera Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada.
Your societywill look to you for your unique perspective as expressed through your poetry. I'm sure we'll soon be seeing you and your poetry featured in Poetry Today.
Sincerely,
Steven J. Michaels
Chairman, Board of Trustees
International Society of Poets
P.S. David, we only accept a limited number of members each year and by accepting your invitation now, your benefits will begin immediately and you will promptly receive your membership items through themail. Most importantly, we will welcome you as a member of the largest poetry organization in theworld--the International Society of Poets.
TO WHICH I SENT THE FOLLOWING REPLY
Dear Mr. Michaels:
Thank you for the opportunity you have given me to join your fine organization. I am honored to be given a prestigious Associate Membership in the Society. Sadly, however, I must decline.I have given up poetry in favor of my true calling: performance art.
It is through ad lib expression of my inner self that I have come to achieve full self-realization and provide a thing of beauty to those around me. My performance art career is in its infancy, but I know that with the support of fine sponsor organizations like yours I will be able to leave a legacy of artistic expression. As a fellow artist, I am sure you will be eager to enter into a partnership with me for the betterment of mankind.
Only $250,000 will secure the International Poetry Society in the hearts and minds of all art lovers world wide.Please let me know of your intent to participate as my partner in this adventure by return email. Act quickly as other organizations have expressed an interest as well.
Sincerely
flynn
I WILL PUBLISH THEIR REPLY IF IT IS ANY GOOD
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2 comments:
Dear David,
We at Who's Who in American (please fill in the blank here) Society would like to offer you a prestigious place in two distinctly American avenues: Who's Who in American Dads & Who's Who in American Funny People Over the Age of 50.
To ensure you make an indelible mark on American history, please send $50 and a picture of yourself to the following address and we will be sure to send you two wonderfully leather bound books: one with fellow funny persons and one with dads.
Thank you,
The Who's Who in American (fill in the blank here) Society
The Poets have given up on me for no rhyme or reason.
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